TampBomb
by LoveBackwards
Summary: One-Shot. Bankotsu and Hiten find a strange object. What they don't know is it's from Kagome's time...and it isn't exactly a bomb...Rated for safety.


Disclaimer.

Bankostu: Aha! Major role!

Naraku: Thank fucking god!

Renkotsu: We're still in it…

Naraku: …-.-

Sesshomaru: I'm not! 8D

Kikyou: Me either! Aha losers! xP

Hiten: She doesn't own Inuyasha…or Tampax… O.o

Naraku: Wtf is Tampax?

Kikyou: *shrugs*

-

Bankotsu sighed as he lazily walked through the human village. Being leader, he decided he needed a day off, and Naraku happily sent him away to plan. He watched the village men look to him and his oversized sword in fear, making him all the smugger.

Unfortunately, Jakotsu was passed out already, Suikotsu was in blood-fritz doctor mode, and Renkotsu was not in the mood to deal with him. Hakudoshi said if he talked to him again, he'd need a new face, Kanna didn't respond, Kagura told him to fuck off she didn't want him, and Naraku was in evil-monkey mode. Princess Abi was generally hateful towards him and he decided not to even bother asking, seeing that she nearly burned his face off last time, and Hiten was PMSing….according to Bankotsu anyway.

"Yo mercenary!" He looked over his shoulder and saw Hiten flying over to him.

"Thunder balls!" His eyes lit up and Hiten scowled at the nickname.

"Monkey ass wants you back soon." Hiten crossed his arms, still floating on his wheels.

"Awh man…I like….just got here." Bankotsu whined.

"You've been gone for like three hours." Hiten rolled his eyes.

"Yeah but…."

"This is near that Inufagmo's rest spot, lets bounce before we find trouble." Hiten tried to convince.

"Ooh you gave me a reason to stay." Bankotsu winked and kept walking. Hiten sighed and glided beside him. He stopped when he saw a small object in yellow wrapping. He blinked and picked it up.

"Ew, don't touch that." Hiten scrunched his nose.

"What is it?" Bankotsu held the narrow piece of plastic that had yellow bag-like wrap around it.

"I…don't know..." Hiten leaned forward to look.

"Renkotsu's smart…..is he busy?" Bankotsu looked up.

"Nah he was just reading when I left." Hiten shrugged. Bankotsu grinned and they rushed back.

_Back at the castle…_

Naraku groaned and banged his head against the wall in his room, trying to eliminate the loud yells outside.

"It's mine!" Kagura shrieked.

"You look like a whore with it!" Jakotsu yelled back.

"Both of you quiet!" Abi shouted.

"Dance of Blades!" Kagura yelled and he heard a crash.

"OW!" Jakotsu snarled.

"Oh my god! Blood!" Suikotsu yelled and he heard him run away.

"What the fuuuck?" Naraku groaned.

"Renkotsu!" He heard Bankotsu yell as he came in the front entrance. Naraku sighed and gave up. "Today just became a drinking day…" He slipped out of his room and snuck to the kitchen unnoticed as everyone fought.

"Whore!" Jakotsu shrieked and swung out his blade. Bankotsu jumped the table between Kagura and Jakotsu and didn't flinch as the attack landed one inch from his face. Hiten followed next, pushing Abi out of the way from getting the blow.

"Don't touch me!" Abi glared.

"Always lookin' out for ya, babe." He winked and followed Bankotsu as Kagura and Jakotsu continued attacking, not even realizing they walked through.

"Renkotsu, Renkotsu, Renkotsu!" Bankotsu chimed as he came in his brother's room. Renkotsu groaned and covered his face with his hands, dropping his book.

"What?"

"We found something!" Hiten grinned.

"Tch, I found it." Bankotsu boasted and Renkotsu stared at them, un-amused.

"I saw it first….just didn't pick it up." Hiten argued.

"Did not you lying flamer." Bankotsu scoffed. Renkotsu spoke before Hiten could retort.

"_What_ did you find?" Renkotsu asked harshly.

"This!" Bankotsu dug through his armor and pulled out the yellow wrapped object.

"What the fuck…..did you rob smugglers again?" Renkotsu sighed.

"No he found it on a road!" Hiten explained with a boyish grin plastered to his face.

"What the…." Renkotsu took it and ripped open the wrapping carefully. "Tampax?" He blinked.

"Ooh there's packs?" Bankotsu bounced up and down, excited, and Hiten hit him over the head.

"Shhh." He lectured.

"I've….never seen anything like this before…." Renkotsu stared at the foreign object (tampon) and scratched his head. "It looks like a miniature bomb." His eyes got wide.

"No fucking way!" Bankotsu chimed. "I found a bomb!" His smiled widened with Hiten's.

"Bankotsu this is bad….this means technology has developed as far as making weapons small enough to hide." Renkotsu frowned.

"I found the first mini bomb!" Bankotsu cheered.

"Whoo!" Hiten high-fived him and Renkotsu growled.

"You idiots, we need to hide it." Renkotsu stood up, holding the 'bomb' carefully so it wouldn't set off. He heard Bankotsu and Hiten squeal and stared at them.

"Can we throw it at Hakudoshi? He's pissing me off." Bankotsu asked and Renkotsu sighed.

"No. Don't touch it or tell anyone until we're sure what it is." Renkotsu warned and hid it in his drawer. "It doesn't seem to sensitive so it wont go off."

"Awh…" Bankotsu pouted.

"No awh, you would be dead if it was sensitive." Renkotsu glared.

"But I would die with the honor of the first mini bomb!" Bankotsu added.

"That'd be so awesome!" Hiten's eyes lit up.

"I know!" Bankotsu smiled and Renkotsu shook his head, giving up on them, and left the room. Bankotsu smirked as his brother left. "You know Hiten…."

"Hm?" Hiten looked over, his over-enthusiasm had died down.

"Naraku's just an evil mastermind…." Bankotsu sighed innocently.

"Ooh? Go on." Hiten smirked.

"I bet he would know how to set off that mini-bomb." He shrugged and glanced around the room casually.

"I bet he would." Hiten smirked as Bankotsu grabbed the 'bomb' from the drawer and they walked down the hall.

_In the Kitchen…_

Naraku sighed and downed his seventh bottle of sake. He needed a fucking break. If he wasn't so drunk, he'd go antagonize Kikyou or Inuyasha. He wished he'd thought of that earlier.

"Naraku!" He heard Hiten yell and sighed. He was drunk so he would be able to tolerate them.

"What is it?" He sighed.

"We found a mini-bomb!" Bankotsu grinned and handed him the Tampax.

"Ooh?" Naraku grinned and held the 'bomb'. Maybe they weren't as useless as they looked.

"Yeah in the dirt!" Hiten added. Naraku sighed, immune to their stupidity, but glad they found something useful.

"You know a lot about bad stuff." Bankotsu smiled and Naraku smirked.

"That I do." Naraku replied smugly, eyeing the 'bomb'.

"How do you set it off?" Hiten asked and Naraku paused. He could be honest and say he didn't know but then they would mock him.

"You uh…." Naraku tried thinking but it was hard being as drunk as he was. "You….put in on…a flat surface...yeah….and then…." He got cut off.

"So like Kagura' boobs?" Hiten snickered and Bankostu joined in. Naraku sighed.

"Like a table." Naraku explained.

"Kagura's like a table…she's flat and everyone nails her!" Bankotsu laughed and Naraku impatiently tapped his fingers on the table, silencing them. "You done?"

"It's out of our systems." Hiten feigned innocence and Naraku scoffed.

"Yeah right…" He muttered before continuing. "And then you….slap it….."

"So I get to tap Kagura's boob!" Bankotsu smiled.

"Nooooo." Naraku groaned. "Like…."

"Won't we blow up that way…?" Hite asked, actually using common sense.

"You're right…..uhm…." Naraku went back into deep thought.

"Do we get to use fire?" Bankotsu grinned.

"No!" Naraku snapped. "No, no, no! _Not_ after what happened last time!" He growled.

"Tch it was only Kikyou, you, three forests, and a horse." Hiten rolled his eyes.

"No you don't need fire you need…._water_." Naraku smirked, happily keeping the pyromaniacs away from fire.

"Water?" Bankotsu and Hiten said in unison.

"Yeah you….fill it with water and….it….bursts." Naraku spread his fingertips on hand to signal the 'burst' of the Tampax.

"How will water hurt anyone?" Bankotsu blinked.

"It uh….sends a poisonous gas in the air…yeah…." Naraku shrugged and handed them back their new toy. He would've kept the bomb in the right state of mind.

"Ooh…….thanks Naraku!" Bankotsu waved as he and Hiten walked out the door.

"Yeah, yeah….shoo." He shook his hand and sighed. "Bottle number eight here I come…"

_Two Hours Later…._

Hiten and Bankotsu stood bent over with their hands on their knees as they watched the mini-bomb absorb the water.

"Nothing happened…." Bankotsu blinked.

"Maybe we can't smell the gas…." Hiten mumbled. Abi walked by the room in her robe, just finishing her bath, and stopped when she saw them. She blinked and walked in.

"What are you idiots doing?" She asked and stood between them to see what they were looking at.

"Look….its a bomb…" Bankotsu pointed and she bent over to stare at it with them. She scoffed.

"No its not…" She poked it and they gasped. "What?"

"Don't. Touch it." Hiten said seriously and she rolled her eyes.

"It could go off any minute." Bankotu warned.

"It's squishy." She sighed. "Bombs aren't squishy." She felt her face get hot and growled when she felt Hiten poke her boob.

"As squishy as those?" He asked seriously and she slapped him.

"You pig!" She warned.

"What's up?" Jakotsu came in the room, eating with Kagura.

"A bomb…" Bankotsu pointed.

"If you put water in…..you breathe in toxic gas and die." Hiten explained and they stared at it.

"So why are you here? Won't you die?" Kagura asked.

"Tch no, we've been here an hour already." Bankotsu shrugged and the group of five stood around it.

"Bankotsu I found out its not a…." Renkotsu's voice trailed off as he entered the room. "Didn't I say not to touch it?"

"Uh huh." Bankotsu nodded.

"Why the fuck is it full of water?" He stared.

"Toxic gas." Kagura answered and he scratched his head.

"Naraku said to." Hiten explained.

"It's…not a bomb." Renkotsu sighed and they all looked up.

"Hah! Told you!" Abi pointed at Bankotsu and Hiten.

"Hah! Told you!" Hiten mimicked and waggled his fingers, causing her to hit his chest. "Ooh baby, I like it rough." He winked.

"Shut up!" Renkotsu cut them off. He threw a small, folded up paper at Bankotsu. "It was in the Tampax wrapper…."

"So?" Bankotsu blinked.

"It explains what it's uh….used for. It's called a tampon." Renkotsu fidgeted. Bankotsu and Hiten read it before busting out in laughter.

"No way!" Hiten laughed.

"You put this together, didn't you Ren?" Bankotsu patted his head.

"No…" Renkotsu groaned.

"Hey Abi, shove this up your twat and stop bleeding." Hiten laughed and Abi's face go red. She slapped him hard and stormed out.

"A fucking tampon!" Bankotsu laughed. Jakotsu took the paper and joined them in laughter.

"Good one, Ren." He praised.

"I give up." Renkotsu sighed and walked away. Kagura rolled her eyes and followed them.

_In Naraku's Room…._

"Naraku…we filled it up." Bankotsu started and he groaned, burying his face in the pillow.

"With water, like you said." Hiten filled in.

"Now it's just squishy." Bankotsu held out the tampon by the string.

"You….need to throw it." Naraku pulled the answer from his ass.

"Really…?" Hiten blinked.

"Mhm." Naraku nodded. "Now shoo." He sighed.

"Hey! Inuyasha found us!" Jakotsu chimed and bolted down the hall. Bankotsu and Hiten smirked at their bomb.

-

"I won't miss next time!" Kagome called and aimed her arrow.

"You said that like….five times…." Jakotsu rolled his eyes

"Die!" Bankotsu threw out the bomb and everyone stopped fighting besides Kagome, whose face got hot as she shrieked.

"My tampon!" They all stared before laughing at her.


End file.
